"Haunted, episode 1x08: Simon Redux" 

Staring: Matthew Fox, Russell Hornsby, John Mann, Michael Irby, 
Lynn Collins

Guest staring: Eddie Cahill, Billie Joe Armstrong, Alexia 
Robinson, Bree Michael Warner

Previously on Haunted. Jess started dating the future Detective 
Flack and would like very much if Frank was okay with it. Simon 
became the first in a line of ghosts who tried to kill Frank. 
Jess had a vague sense of “dread” that she’s pretty sure was 
not caused by bad Mexican food.

Frank goes down to the bar under his apartment and grabs a 
handful of the nuts that even people who never visit bars know 
you should never, ever eat. He parks himself in front of a TV 
showing a horse race and orders burgers for himself and Marcus. 
The waitress flirts with him in a way that clearly says she 
expects a big tip. (Minds out of the gutter, folks). He flirts 
back a little. She leaves and he strikes up a conversation with 
the guy next to him, who appears to be betting on the races and 
claims to have won the last five in a row. Frank watches him 
correctly predict the next winner and introduces himself. The 
gambler mumbles something that sounds vaguely like a name 
without even looking at him. Rude. Then Marcus saunters up and 
sits on the gambler’s bar stool – the gambler disappearing in a 
puff of smoke. Frank looks far too surprised for a guy who 
seemed to be finally figuring this whole “seeing dead people” 
thing out and turns to find the gambler on his other side now, 
still watching the race like nothing happened. Marcus looks at 
the betting sheet the gambler was just writing on and asks if 
it’s Frank’s. Frank jumps at the opportunity, whips out his 
cell phone and starts placing bets on whatever horses the 
gambler circled. Marcus chuckles and shakes his head. Frank 
adds oh, and Marcus wants to match his bets and hangs up before 
Marcus can rip the phone from him and cancel that. Marcus looks 
like he would like to strangle Frank. Then the first horse wins 
and he’s like, fine, just cancel the rest of the bets and I 
won’t murder you in your sleep. They argue for less than a 
minute and Frank convinces Marcus to let this play out. 

We skip around in time as they win the next two races. Marcus 
thinks $19,000 is plenty and they should take the money and run. 
Frank looks to the gambler, who says “no guts, no glory”. Frank 
repeats this cliché to Marcus, who cheerfully tells him to 
shove it up his ass. “Can’t loose,” gambler sing-songs. Frank 
convinces Marcus to go one more race. They lose, naturally, and 
the crowd that rose up around them starts disbanding. “Damn. I 
never could pick that last race,” the gambler groans. “Now you 
tell me,” Frank says. Gambler shrugs “easy come easy go” and 
Frank gets an expression that suggests he wishes he could bring 
this guy back to life just so he could kill him again. Great. 
Now I’m using clichés as bad as the actual show. Gambler takes 
off his hat and says he learned if you take the races too 
seriously, they can kill you. He leans over so Frank can get a 
good look at what is either a dent or a bullet hole in his 
skull. Marcus comes back from the bathroom and asks what 
happened. Frank’s all ‘um...er...we lost’ and runs off up the 
stairs with Marcus chasing him the whole way. It’s pretty 
slapstick and juvenile behavior, but it’s funny so I’m willing 
to let it go. The barmaid shakes her head and thinks “there 
they go again. I hope they can keep it down this time. Bar 
noise only covers so much.”

Upstairs, apparently sometime later, Jess is waiting outside 
Frank’s apartment when he arrives. He’s surprised to see her. 
“I was thinking we should talk,” she says seriously. Oh great. 
Here it comes. “About dating. Other people.” Wow, this is 
awkward. Newsflash: you’re divorced. That’s generally the point 
where you can see other people without feeling guilty. 
Although, FLAUNTING YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND IN FRONT OF THE EX-
HUSBAND is pretty tacky. Frank says fine, but she should know 
that if it starts getting depressing or uncomfortable he’s 
going to start arguing. She asks why. He says he always gets 
his way when they argue. I imagine that’s because arguing with 
him is unpleasant and about as effective as arguing with a 
brick wall. I think I’ve discovered why they’re divorced. 

They make small talk as they enter the apartment, referring 
back to the last episode in a shocking burst of continuity. 
Cathy is happily living with her grandparents and making new 
friends thanks to Frank. Frank is distractedly paging through 
some file he got in the mail and mutters “Simon was a cop?” 
Jess perks up. “Simon Dean?” Frank says no, this is just a 
background check for some old case he’s working on. Liar liar 
pants on fire. Jess clearly doesn’t buy it but says nothing. 
Frank redirects the conversation back to Jess and her new 
plaything. “His name is Nick,” Jess says. He works in the DA’s 
office. Frank says “actually his name is Nicholas Trenton. He’s 
a year younger than me, went to Columbia Law School, votes 
Republican, comes from old money, drives a Jag and is in line 
for a job at the Shephard and Rothman law firm in New York.” 
Oh, sure. The one time he’s actually doing his job with some 
degree of competence and it’s to stalk his ex-wife’s boyfriend. 
Jess stares at him like “why do I bother?” “From what I hear he 
mountainbikes like a sissy too,” he adds for absolutely no 
reason other than to make himself feel superior. Jess does not 
dignify this with a response and he apologizes. Good. Frank 
tries to be serious and says he wants her to be happy, really! 
This just isn’t easy. Jess brings up Kevin like she can’t 
believe what an awful person she is to try to move on with her 
life after her son died. Two years ago. Sheesh, lady. I think 
it’s safe to come out of full-on grieving mode now. Frank 
rightly says this has jack squat to do with Kevin. Besides, 
he’s sure Kevin knows she’s not giving up on him, wherever he 
is.

Jess starts a thought that can’t be headed anywhere good: that 
last week when she was so worried about Frank dying in a ditch 
somewhere she spent a lot of time in his apartment thinking 
about him. She babbles about what has become of his life now 
but he’s distracted by the unseen ghost flipping pages in the 
file he put behind the desk. He refocuses on Jess as she 
reminds him of how he told her he saw Kevin when he died. 
“Wherever Kevin is right now, I refuse to believe that it is a 
hopeless or dark place. So why would you look for him there?” 
He was walking into the light, lady. How is that dark and 
hopeless? She then babbles about this newfound ability, 
whatever it is, being a blessing because he’s helped so many 
people and it’s made her realize that there is evil out there 
in the world and Frank is somehow important in the fight 
against it. I’m getting dizzy trying to follow her train of 
logic here. She kisses him – on the lips and a little too long 
given their current relationship – and starts to leave. “When 
did you get so damned smart,” he asks. She lets out a little 
sob and says “me? Smart? I just learned I’m dating a 
Republican!” Ha! 

She darts off to go figure out on her own if this qualifies as 
an “irreconcilable difference” and Simon appears behind Frank’s 
desk. ‘How sweet,’ he chortles. ‘She still cares about you.’ 
Frank marches over to grab the file but Simon grabs him by the 
arm and hisses vague threats against opening doors to the past. 
“Unless you don’t mind me opening a door into *your* past.” “If 
you touch Jessica...” Frank growls. “You’ll what,” Simon 
taunts. “Kill me?” Frank babbles something about Jess being 
right about Kevin not being wherever the hell Simon is. Well, 
no, because he clearly didn’t go into the light. Then he starts 
flinging open window shades, causing Simon to scurry back like 
he’s being burned. He barks one last warning at Frank to stay 
out of his business and disappears, sending a gale force wind 
through Frank’s office as he goes to blow papers everywhere. 

Marcus’ office. Frank opens the door a crack and sticks his 
white handkerchief inside, waving it a little. Heh. Then he 
warily opens the door a little further and asks if Marcus is 
still pissed. Marcus wordlessly places his gun on the desk. 
Hehe. “You know what they say,” Frank tries. “Easy come...” 
Marcus cocks the gun. “...time to go,” he finishes and starts 
to back out again. “You owe me $1,257.32,” Marcus snarls. Frank 
eases back in the room. “What for?” Okay, don’t tempt the man, 
Frank. Marcus added the lost bets to the bar tab, apparently. 
Frank points out that he didn’t tell Marcus to buy the drinks. 
Marcus snaps that if he hadn’t won them $19,000 he wouldn’t have 
in the first place. Frank asks if Marcus is actually blaming 
him for winning them money. No, idiot, he’s blaming you for 
losing it again. Frank sighs and agrees to pay half of it, then 
hands Marcus his coat and says he’s going to be late for his 
FBI appointment. Marcus says he doesn’t have one. Frank says 
yes, but they don’t know that because Frank made an appointment 
with some special ops guy and pretended to be Marcus. Marcus 
points out that that’s called impersonating a police officer, 
which he could totally throw Frank in jail for. Or at least 
take him over his knee. Oh, shut up and let me have my fun 
here. Frank says it’s just a lousy meeting and Marcus agrees as 
long as Frank pays the entire bill instead of just half. Frank 
reluctantly agrees but will probably find some way to weasel 
out of it.

Elsewhere, “Nick” knocks on Jess’ front door, a bottle of wine 
in one hand. She runs breathless to the door and babbles about 
running behind at court and not having time to get ready 
and...he cuts off her excuses with a kiss. “Did you win?” She 
says yeah. He says good, then they have something to celebrate 
and waves the wine bottle. She looks coy and asks what would 
have happened if she didn’t win. He says he’d “work very hard” 
to make her “feel better” which I’m guessing is code for get 
her drunk and distract her with sex.

At the FBI a pretty black woman saunters up to Frank and Marcus 
and says “Detective Bradshaw?” They both jump and say “yes?” 
Then Marcus remembers he’s supposed to be playing dumb and lets 
Frank introduce *him* as Frank Taylor. She shakes Marcus’ hand 
and gushes that it’s a pleasure to meet the man who finally 
caught Simon Dean. Yeah. Good thing they didn’t have a picture 
to go with that news story. “I thought you were a white guy. 
Taller...dark hair...permanent stubble...you know, like your 
friend Marcus here. And what kind of name is Marcus for a white 
guy anyway?” Guess Frank isn’t the dumbest law enforcement 
agent in the area. She leads them off and mutters that she’s 
surprised the Canadians are letting the LAPD reopen the Dean 
case. Frank exposits that the FBI was also involved in some of 
the covert operations Dean was a part of. He was officially 
declared rogue in 2000 and remained that way until his death. 
So basically he stopped reporting to whoever the hell he was 
reporting to (LAPD? FBI? CBI? CIA? Who cares?) and disappeared 
into the world of kiddie porn. “Can you tell us what he was 
working on,” Frank asks. FBI lady says he has to tell her what 
he’s working on first. Marcus starts to respond for him but 
Frank buts in to say “it’s a local thing.” Instead of telling 
them not to let the door hit them in the ass on their way out – 
as she really should – she gives them a name: Alexi Kurchinkov. 
This name seems familiar to Frank and Marcus. She says Simon 
followed Alexi’s trail from a small child pornography ring to a 
Russian cartel they suspect is abducting children and selling 
them. She starts to scoot past them but Frank stops her to 
clarify. “Are you saying that Simon wasn’t a pedophile?” Yes, 
that’s what she’s saying nimrod. What kind of PI are you? Frank 
and Marcus start to follow her when Frank runs into Simon’s 
ghost. Simon turns and, glaring through demonic red eyes, 
snarls that he warned Frank not to stick his nose where it 
doesn’t belong. But, you know, now that he already has he’s 
basically given Simon the green light. To do what, he doesn’t 
say, and he disappears before Frank can ask.

Jess’ house. “Did you have that talk with Frank yet,” Nick asks 
as they stroll out onto the patio for lunch. She says uh-huh. 
“How’d it go?” “Fine, I guess. Can we stop talking about my ex? 
It’s kind of weird.” Yeah, except she doesn’t say that last 
part. “I guess you could say I took it harder than he did.” 
Nick promises that they’ll take it slow. I think I love him. 
Sigh. Wait, is he still talking? I kind of got distracted by 
the prettiness of his eyes. Something ghostly slithers down the 
street toward Jess’ house, through the front door, out the 
patio door and seems to slam into Nick’s face. He squeezes his 
wine glass so hard it shatters, spraying all over Jess. “Oh, 
I’m sorry,” he says flatly, a really creepy look in his eyes. 
“Did I ruin your blouse?” She brushes at the wine stains and 
says no, she can get it out and scampers off into the house. He 
watches her for a moment, then goes inside to get her keys from 
her purse. The camera pans down and when it pans back up Simon 
is standing in his place.

FBI lady slaps a few file folders on the table and rambles 
about how Simon hated pedophiles so much that he tortured and 
killed about fifteen of them from the time he went rogue to the 
time he died. “Vigilante,” Frank says. Yes, that seems to be 
the definition dear. FBI lady guesses his years of frustration 
with the system combined with his undercover work caused him to 
completely break with reality. “He went insane,” Marcus asks. 
FBI lady can’t really say, but the last time he spoke to them 
he called himself the “Punishment Angel” so, you know... What’s 
more, some of those pedophiles he murdered were never proven to 
actually *be* pedophiles, in fact, they have identified two of 
them as completely innocent. Frank’s phone rings and he slinks 
out the door to answer it. 

“I warned you, Frank,” Nick’s voice purrs. Frank asks who the 
hell he’s talking to. Nick’s voice morphs into Simon’s as he 
says ‘what? You don’t recognize me?’ “I just wanted you to know 
I won’t be home tonight.” Well, that confirms that he’s been 
permanently camped in Frank’s apartment I guess. Basically, he 
tells Frank that he’s taken over Nick’s body and there’s 
nothing Frank can do about it. He also says something garbled 
about punishing Frank’s “little angel”. Well, how convenient of 
him to wait to mention this little phrase until Frank knew what 
it meant. Frank looks frantic. Nick hangs up as Jess comes back 
out wearing a new blouse. “Better,” she asks cluelessly. He 
gives her a Hannibal Lecter leer and says “much.” 

Frank peels up to the curb outside Jess’ house and barely comes 
to a stop before vaulting out the door and across the lawn. 
Marcus stumbles out of the passenger side, pleading with him to 
slow down for two seconds and explain what the hell this is 
about. I’m surprised Frank didn’t just leave him at the FBI 
field office. Frank finds “Simon” hugging Jessica out in the 
back yard, smirking evilly at him and rips him from her, 
slamming him into a wall, throwing him over the table and damn 
near beating him over the head with a candlestick from the 
table before Marcus manages to pull him off. Throughout the 
whole fight Nick flips back and forth between himself and Simon 
to make it clear that Frank thinks he’s beating up Simon but 
Jess and Marcus just see him whaling on Nick for no apparent 
reason. “Damn...guess he’s not okay with the whole seeing other 
people thing after all,” they’re probably thinking. Simon 
retreats and the wildness leaves Frank’s eyes as he stops 
fighting Marcus and mutters “oh, God, what have I done?” Nick 
yelps at Marcus that he wants that lunatic arrested and he’s 
pressing charges. Marcus doesn’t even hesitate, whipping out 
the handcuffs like ‘you know the drill, baby.’ Jess can’t seem 
to quite process all of this and watches bug eyed as Marcus 
drags Frank away before going back to tending her boyfriend’s 
wounds.

Some indeterminate time later Marcus and Jess visit Frank in 
jail to give him an ultimatum: he can go home if he promises to 
stay away from Jess. She flatly confirms that she’s gotten a 
temporary restraining order. Frank begs her not to do that and 
says he just wants to talk to her. Jess is like ‘talk to me? Is 
that what you call trying to bash my boyfriend’s face in? Dude, 
I don’t know what the hell brand of crack you’re on but you’re 
scaring me.’ She runs off and Frank asks if Marcus is going to 
open the door or what. Marcus says he needs Frank’s word that 
he won’t go after Jess and Nick and get himself right back in 
jail again. Frank babbles that Marcus doesn’t understand. 
Marcus reminds him that Nick works for the DA and could 
probably work a few loopholes to get Frank sent to a federal 
penitentiary where his cellmate is a heavily muscled biker gang 
rapist who demands Frank call him “Daddy”. My muse perks up at 
this idea and it takes me a good day to distract her away from 
it again. Marcus thinks maybe spending a night in the cell will 
calm Frank down. Frank reaches through the bars to grab him by 
his shirt front and yells “you think this is just about petty 
jealousy?! Somebody that I love is in danger and I need to 
protect them!” Marcus calmly looks down at his hands like 
‘dude? Much as this usually turns me on it’s really not helping 
your case here.’ Frank lets go and paces, taking deep breaths 
and calming only slightly. “And somebody I care about needs 
protection too, Frank,” Marcus says quietly. “From himself.” 
Woah, hold the presses. Marcus just acknowledged his not-so-
secret love for Frank and it wasn’t just in my head! I love 
you, Marcus. Marcus walks away, leaving Frank to stew for the 
night.

My muse: You know...this could very easily lead to some 
   nice, slashy bondage porn...
Me: Don’t you have some “Lost” fics you should be working 
   on?
My muse: Who said this wasn’t? Just replace Marcus with 
   Sawyer.
Me: In what universe would Sawyer be a cop to Jack’s 
   inmate?
My muse: Oh, just go with it. Why do you have to worry 
   about the little details all the time?
Me: Because one of us has to. If it were up to you nothing 
   I write would ever have a plot.
My muse: Who needs a plot when you can have hot gay sex?
Me: I...have forgotten what my point was. Just try to 
   concentrate on actually finishing a story for once, 
   would you?
My muse: (grumbling) Yes, mistress.

Jess’ house. Nick lets himself in with his stolen key. She’s 
taking a shower. He stands in the doorway and watches passively 
like the creep that is possessing him. She notices and squeals, 
covering herself with the curtain and asking what the hell he’s 
doing. In a robotic voice he says her door was open and 
apologizes. She fidgets, looks down and says “do you mind?” He 
shakes his head and stares a full minute longer before slowly 
slipping from the room.

Frank is still pacing his cell. Simon’s disembodied voice 
taunts “have a good night, Frank. I know *I* will.” Eww. Frank 
puts his head between his knees and possibly loses whatever 
marbles he had left.

And then for some reason Frank is sauntering back to his 
apartment the next day like nothing happened. Nice editing 
there, geniuses. Or should I blame the writers for flitting 
between scenes without any sense of continuity? He calls Gus, 
who doesn’t come running because he’s off in a corner sulking 
over the fact that the only people who ever seem to pay him any 
attention are the ones he can walk through. Frank plays back 
his answering machine messages and, naturally, there’s one from 
Simon. “I just wanted to say there’s no hard feelings.” There’s 
a pill for that now, you know. “In fact, I don’t know why I 
didn’t think of this sooner. I kind of like laying in the arms 
of a beautiful woman again. And just so you know, Frank? I had 
a great night last night.” Frank, predictably, rips the 
answering machine from the wall and throws it across the room. 
He then starts talking to Simon on the assumption that he is 
not currently occupying Nick’s body and can therefore actually 
hear Frank. He promises to stop nosing around Simon’s past if 
he’ll leave Jess alone. Simon is not in right now, would you 
like to leave a message? He snatches the file and marches out 
the door, Gus completely forgotten. Poor thing.

Frank goes right to Jess’ house and stands on the patio until 
Nick uncurls himself from the sofa and comes out to talk to 
him. “This metaphor is kind of profound, isn’t it, Frank,” he 
taunts. Not really. Frank snarls at him to leave Jess and Nick 
alone. “You win.” “Nick” smiles and switches completely into 
Simon’s voice. “Say please.” 
   My muse: I have a new PWP proposal.
   Me: Shut up.
Frank pulls out the case file and burns it. Simon steps out of 
Nick’s body and Nick wanders back into the house, wondering how 
the hell he got out onto the patio in the first place and why 
he has a headache. He doesn’t seem to notice Frank at all.

Morning. Gus decides Frank should really wake up and feed him 
already and jumps on the bed, sticking his tongue in Frank’s 
ear. “Mmm...five more minutes, Marcus,” Frank unfortunately 
doesn’t say. Instead he mumbles something about leaving all the 
shades open to drive Simon away maybe being a bit much and 
staggers out of bed to go feed the poor dog. He picks up his 
newspaper and sees headlines about a little girl being 
kidnapped, possibly as part of a Russian cartel. He debates for 
about two minutes before calling Marcus and asking him to call 
that FBI woman and tell her the truth. “I want that information 
that she has on Simon and Alexi Korchenkov.” Yes, I know I 
spelled the name differently. I’m just spelling it how I hear 
it and no two people seem to be pronouncing it the same.

Nick surprises Jess at work. He says he just wanted to make 
sure things were okay. She says it’s fine, she’s just a 
little...confused? Maybe? About everything. And Frank flipping 
out and beating the hell out of him kind of has her freaked out 
a bit. And Nick acting “more than a little presumptuous lately” 
is kind of weirding her out too. He has no idea what she’s 
talking about. She says really? He doesn’t remember walking 
right into her house and watching her take a shower? He gapes 
at her like ‘I did *what* now?’ She accuses him of taking her 
house key from her keyring. Nick says he’s willing to work 
things out with Frank but he thought *she* trusted him. He 
thinks maybe they should stop seeing each other for a while. 
She backpedals and says she might be overreacting. She repeats 
the whole taking things slow suggestion and he does a little 
mental victory dance and debates calling Frank to say “nah-nah-
nah-NAH!”

Field office. FBI lady marches up to Marcus and pointedly says 
“hello, *Frank*.” “I told you I can explain,” Marcus says. She 
certainly hopes so. “Yeah, see, it was all Frank’s idea,” he 
does not say. He also fails to add “That man could talk me into 
anything. Not to mention the other things he can do with that 
mouth of his...damn!” Instead, he says he was helping his 
friend. She reminds him that she can’t give him classified 
information and now she should really just call his chief and 
have him demoted to crossing guard. She asks why the hell he 
would risk his career like that. Marcus says Frank has risked a 
lot more for him over the years, many times. That and it makes 
Frank a lot more likely to put out. FBI lady wants to know why 
Frank wants the Dean case reopened. Marcus somehow thinks it 
has something to do with Kevin. He was sold to Russians? FBI 
lady groans that she gave Frank Kor-chen-kov’s name and thinks 
with Simon gone they’ll never know what the connection was. 
Marcus apologizes again for the way things were handled before 
and begs her to pretty please help them out a little here. 
“Unofficially, of course.” Yes, risk her career too. Nice. She 
asks what she gets in return. He says she gets Frank. Did he 
mention Frank can tie a cherry stem with his tongue? I’m only 
making that second part up. If I keep going like this I’m going 
to start calling Marcus PimpDaddy by the end of this recap. I 
might do that anyway. I kinda like it.

Frank is tacking the picture of the little girl from the 
kidnapping article to his cork board of things to angst about 
(and possibly investigate if a clue falls into his lap I guess) 
when somebody knocks on the door. It’s Nick. “Hi, I’m here for 
another beating,” he says, except it ends up sounding like “can 
we talk?” Frank lets him in and they stand in the hallway 
staring at each other, all sorts of awkward. Nick stammers that 
he’s not going to press charges because, uh, he doesn’t really 
blame Frank for being jealous. Frank rolls his eyes inwardly 
and asks “what can I do for you, Mr. Trenton?” Oh, please. He’s 
practically banging your ex-wife. You can call him Nick. Nick 
says he didn’t come here to make friends (really?), “I just 
came by to tell you that I know the score.” Frank squints at 
him like he’s debating taking him out permanently but isn’t 
sure he can risk GhostNick chasing him around looking for 
revenge. Nick elaborates that Jess told him about Kevin and he 
can see she’s still carrying a torch for Frank. Okay, why do TV 
characters insist on getting a divorce because they can’t deal 
with whatever tragedy they went through only to try to get back 
together when they realize that was a stupid reason to get 
divorced? I’m looking at you, Susan Meyer. 

Then Nick adds that he just wanted Frank to know that when 
they’re in bed together tonight he’s going to make sure she 
screams his name and not Frank’s. Hello, Simon. Frank slams 
Nick back against the wall and then seems to come to his senses 
and lets go. Simon steps out of Nick and sneers “this is a 
test”. Nick, meanwhile, is looking traumatized and whimpering 
“please, don’t hit me!” Frank apologizes lamely, using the old 
“it’s not you, it’s me” line. “I’m a little overprotective when 
it comes to Jess.” “A little,” Nick scoffs with an expression 
like YOU’RE FUCKING CRAZY MAN, which instantly earns him my 
love and respect. Even if he is a flashy rich boy Republican. 
Nick suggests Frank think about getting help. “You know a good 
exorcist?” Frank mutters. He then babbles that he knows it took 
a lot of balls to walk right up to the guy who tried to bash 
his head in a few days ago and he respects what he’s trying to 
do. “We’re cool. Really.” Not. He shakes Nick’s hand and Nick 
looks wary, as one should be when dealing with people who are 
obviously off their antipsychotics. Nick scoots out the door 
before Frank can change his mind or start crying or put on a 
tinfoil hat and hum “Modern Major General”.

Frank shuts the door and turns to find Simon in his face. “You 
know what your problem is, Frank,” he purrs. He only has one? 
“You’re still trying to find redemption in your work.” Frank 
hisses yeah, makes a sane man go off the deep end, DOESN’T IT, 
CAPTAIN AVENGER? Simon follows him into the office and calls 
him a hypocrite. “You hate them as much as I do.” Frank snaps 
that he didn’t torture and kill innocent people. Simon rips the 
picture Frank just put on the board down and says “you can’t 
save them all. She was gone before the story hit the newspaper. 
But together you and I can make the bastards pay for what 
they’ve done.” He magically burns the paper in mid-air. Frank 
is baffled that Simon seems to expect Frank to take up his 
mantle. “The only fair justice is swift justice,” says the 
crazy man. “If that was Kevin’s picture in there, would you 
turn the other cheek?” Frank says nothing because, of course, 
the answer is NO. Simon, sounding increasingly like the snake 
in the garden of Eden, says he can help Frank use his power and 
find Kevin. Frank just stares at him and this is the moment 
Marcus chooses to fax over a copy of the FBI file Frank had him 
sucking up to FBI lady for. Simon grabs it and reads Marcus’ 
note out loud: “Frank, here’s the FBI info you requested on 
Simon Dean this morning.” Simon bristles. “We had a deal.” 
Frank coldly says the price was too high. Simon says really? 
You think it’s bad now? He burns the page and disaparates. 

Jess seems to just be getting home when her phone rings. 
“Frank? I’m not talking to you.” Frank begs her not to hang up 
and asks if Nick is with her. She doesn’t see how that’s any of 
his business. Frank hesitantly asks if Nick sometimes acts 
strange like...maybe...he’s not himself? “What, like how you’ve 
been acting lately?” she does not say. While Frank is rambling 
about what he means by “different”, Nick is in the background 
searching kitchen drawers. “Frank, I’m not gonna play jealous 
games with you. It won’t work.” Frank swears on Kevin’s life 
that she’s in danger: “Nick is not who you think he is.” She 
half hears him beg her to run as fast as possible as she turns 
to see Nick pulling a huge butcher knife out of a drawer. 

Luckily, she’s quicker on the uptake than Frank and doesn’t 
hesitate before dropping the phone and bolting out the door. 
Nick goes out a different door and somehow ends up in her 
backseat before she gets in the car. He holds the knife to her 
throat and bizarrely asks if she and Frank were married in a 
church. Like there’s another option in this country? For some 
reason he wants her to take him to that church. Jess could 
probably have stalled him for a while by saying “um...it’s in 
[some state on the other side of the country]. I have family 
there,” but my guess is she won’t.

Frank arrives too late. Naturally. Simon calls to tell him 
she’s “dying” to see that church they got married in. Frank 
hangs up and drives off like a bat out of hell. He arrives at 
the conveniently empty church and finds the priest unconscious 
on the floor. He whips out his gun and creeps toward the front. 
Simon as Nick taunts him from somewhere in that vicinity about 
how they would have made a great team. You know, if Frank 
didn’t have such annoyingly stringent morals. He finds Nick – 
alone – and waves the gun at him. Nick, in Simon’s voice, asks 
if he’s really going to shoot an innocent man. “The poor 
bastard thinks he’s having a bad dream.” Frank lowers the gun 
and asks where Jess is. Simon blithers about Frank needing him 
– to find both her and Kevin. Frank says no he doesn’t, he has 
Korchenkov. Nick’s face twists and Simon asks where the hell he 
got that name. Frank guesses that’s who Simon was looking for 
when he nearly made Frank another of his innocent victims and 
Frank killed him. “He’s the connection, isn’t he? He’s the 
bastard that stole my son!” Nick/Simon yanks Jess’s unconscious 
body from behind a pew and tries to use her as a shield. Frank 
punches him entirely too easily and he drops her like a sack of 
bricks. Whoo, look who doesn’t give a shit anymore. 

They have the world’s shortest and lamest fight and Frank pins 
Nick to a wall until Simon steps out of him. “This isn’t over,” 
he hisses before disappearing with a mad cackle. Nick passes 
out. Frank drops him. Then the priest by the door gets up 
suddenly and, in Simon’s voice, continues his taunting. Oh, GO 
AWAY ALREADY. Apparently, he plans to find Korchenkov first. 
Yeah, well, unless you can do it in the next three episodes I’m 
afraid you’re both doomed to failure on that front. He storms 
out the door. Nick comes to and asks what the hell happened. 
Frank squats beside him and asks if he really wants to know and 
suggests he maybe take that job offer in New York. “New York?” 
Nick mumbles stupidly. Then he sees Jess waking up near the 
alter and decides working with the creepy kidnapper from 
“Ransom” sounds a lot safer and better for his health than 
dealing with this couple’s weird ass issues and runs out the 
door. 

Frank whips out his cell while he helps Jess sit up. She has a 
huge bruise on her face and collapses, mumbling incoherently 
and sobbing, onto his chest. Unfortunately, he’s not calling an 
ambulance for her (that would be the first time he does 
something that makes sense), he’s calling Marcus to tell him 
they need to get to Korchenkov quick. Nice to know his 
priorities are in order. 

The next thing we see is a body covered in a bloody sheet, 
found in what looks like a train yard. Marcus confirms that it 
is Korchenkov. Huh. Guess he could do it in less than three 
episodes. Nice. Frank looks at the skyscraper of a building 
next to them and says “suicide?” Marcus says only if he decided 
to jump without opening the window first. One of the MEs 
hovering over the body is suddenly possessed by Simon and 
smiles evilly at Frank and some creepy Gregorian like music 
takes us out to the credits.

It just figures that this show was canceled right before it 
started getting decent, doesn’t it? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I 
have to go have a long talk with my muse and maybe write some 
“Lost” PWP.