Title: Tiresias
Author: Diandra Hollman
E-Mail: diandrahollman@gmail.com
Website: http://diandrahollman.tripod.com
LJ: http://diandrahollman.livejournal.com
Date Finished: 4/8/15 (yes!)
Rating: R to NC-17
Keywords: Sawyer/Jack, slash between characters of opposite 
gender (no, it doesn’t make much sense to me either. Tell it to 
my muse), genderflip, girl!Jack, 
Spoilers: Maybe mild ones for mid-season 3.
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. The evil muse made me do it. I’m 
not profiting in any way and I promise to put them back as I 
found them! The muse must be obeyed, apparently.
Archive: I don’t know.
Summary: Tiresias: a character in Greek mythology who was 
magically transformed from a man to a woman and back again. But 
what if the Dharma Initiative thought it was more than just a 
story?
Dedication: To all of the wonderful readers of my previous 
stories (love you guys, really!) and to TPTB for giving me such 
wonderful characters and material to work with. Apologies to 
Matthew Fox for continuing to abuse his character, though I 
doubt he gives a rip anymore. 
Author's Notes: This takes place sometime after “I Do”, after 
Sawyer and Kate escaped the Others. Sun is not pregnant in this 
universe.

According to the myth, Tiresias spent seven years as a woman 
before being transformed back into a man. Because this is 
“Lost”, where everything is kind of compressed in timeframe, 
this will only take about seven *days*. So for anyone weirded 
out by the idea of Jack being a woman: I promise he won’t stay 
that way for long.


Tiresias
By Diandra Hollman


Sawyer watched the mysterious woman sleep. He had found her in 
the jungle that morning. Aside from some somewhat alarming 
bruising on her wrists she appeared unhurt, but she was deeply 
unconscious and no amount of poking and prodding seemed to 
change that. He had brought her to his tent, ignoring the wary 
stares of the rest of the camp. He felt he had spent enough 
time in the Other’s camp to know that she was not one of their 
people, but even if she was he doubted she could do them much 
harm, particularly in her current state. Regardless, he had a 
pistol tucked into the back of his jeans just in case as he 
stood guard, jumping every time she mumbled in her sleep. He 
tried to make out words, but none of it made sense to him – it 
seemed to be just a random jumble of garbled sounds.

It was well into the afternoon when she finally opened her 
eyes, blinking in confusion at the tarp over her head before 
cautiously looking around. When her dark eyes landed on Sawyer 
she visibly relaxed. “What happened,” she croaked.

Sawyer instinctively reached to brush a strand of her shoulder-
length brown hair from her face. “I was gonna ask you the same 
question, Sweetheart.”

Her eyes snapped open and narrowed on Sawyer. “Sweetheart?”

Sawyer snatched his hand back and swallowed a sigh. “Never 
mind.”

She closed her eyes and groaned, her hand coming up to rub her 
forehead. “Where’s Kate? Is she okay?”

Alarm bells went off in Sawyer’s head and his hand moved 
instinctively closer to his gun. “Whaddya know about Kate?”

She sighed heavily. “I’m really not in the mood for games, 
Sawyer. Can you get me some aspirin? My head is killing me...”

Sawyer stared at her, his mouth working impotently. “Who are 
you,” he finally demanded. “How do you know us?”

She muttered something expletive laden under her breath and let 
her hand drop back to her side, fixing him with a glower as she 
recited “my name is Jack Shephard, and it was November 2004 
last time I checked. Now are you going to give me that aspirin 
or do you need me to count how many fingers you’re holding up 
first?”

Sawyer blinked at her, opened his mouth, closed it and blinked 
some more. “You’re Jack Shephard,” he finally said dumbly.

She cursed and rolled unsteadily to a sitting position. “Never 
mind, I’ll get it myself,” she grumbled.

Sawyer caught her by the wrist as she moved to stand up. “Look, 
I don’t know what sort of game you people are trying to play 
here but you sure as hell ain’t Jack Shephard. Last I checked, 
the doc wasn’t a woman.”

The woman’s face twisted in tired confusion. “What the hell are 
you talking about? I’m not...” Her voice trailed off as she 
looked down at her body, her eyes growing wide. “Oh,” she 
squeaked right before her eyes rolled back in her head and she 
fell onto Sawyer’s bedroll, passed out cold.

******

Once Sawyer recovered from the shock of the past few minutes, 
he had the presence of mind to pull back the left sleeve of the 
woman’s t-shirt. He had expected to find nothing – proof, he 
figured, that the woman was either lying or crazy. But Jack’s 
familiar tattoo covered her arm, the designs mocking him. They 
were smaller, to better fit the woman’s more slender frame, but 
they were unmistakably the same, and Sawyer wondered how he 
hadn’t noticed them before. 

He was still staring at them, trying to think of another, less 
insane explanation for their presence, when the woman stirred 
again. 

She blinked up at him, frowning. “Sawyer?”

Sawyer let go of her sleeve and backed away.

“Where...” The sleepy confusion in her eyes cleared suddenly 
and she lifted her head to look down her body. Her breasts 
heaved as her breathing accelerated and she lifted a shaking 
hand to touch one of the fleshy mounds experimentally. “No,” 
she whispered, shaking her head. “No, this isn’t happening. 
It’s impossible...”

Something in Sawyer snapped and he grabbed her by the wrists, 
straddling her waist and slamming her arms to the ground on 
either side of her head, looming over her menacingly. “Enough,” 
he snapped. “Who are you?! What the hell are you tryin’ to 
pull?”

She struggled against him but quickly realized he was much 
stronger. She closed her eyes. “One,” she gaped between 
frantic, panting breaths. “Two...”

Sawyer tightened his grip. “Answer me!”

She yelped, her back arching. 

“Who are you?!”

She stared at him, eyes wide with terror, jaw working 
impotently. 

“Answer me!”

“My father’s name was Christian,” she babbled, a note of 
hysteria in her voice. “He was a chief of surgery. You met him 
at a bar in Australia, he...he told you he was proud of me even 
though I got him fired.” A tiny sob escaped her, her eyes 
filling with tears. “He told you he loved me.”

Sawyer stilled, his eyes widening as he realized there was no 
possible way this stranger could know about that conversation, 
unless...

He let go of the woman, practically rocketing away from her, 
staring in mute shock as she curled on her side protectively 
and sobbed.

‘Jack is dead,’ Sawyer thought, dazed. He had to be. After that 
stunt he’d pulled to get him and Kate rescued from the 
Others... And yet... He looked again at the hysterical woman 
and felt his gut clench. Whether or not she was telling the 
truth, she obviously wasn’t a member of that heartless bunch 
that had kidnapped and killed their people. He slipped his 
pistol from his waistband and popped out the ammo clip, tossing 
it and the gun itself into opposite corners of the tent. Then 
he reached for the woman and gently brushed her hair back from 
her face, squatting until they were almost nose to nose.

“Easy darlin’. Calm down. I ain’t gonna hurt ya.”

She blinked at him and Sawyer realized she had already stopped 
crying, though she was far from calm. “I know,” she said 
numbly.

Sawyer’s movements faltered and he pulled his hand back slowly 
as he stared into the woman’s familiar eyes. “Jack...”

She sniffled and wiped her cheeks almost angrily. “How did I 
get here?”

Sawyer shook his head, snapping back into focus. “Uh...you were 
just layin’ out in the jungle. I found you and carried you 
back.” He hesitated a little as the voice inside him screamed 
that this couldn’t *possibly* be Jack. But the alternative 
seemed even less likely than the explanation he was being 
offered. She talked like him, she knew things only Jack would 
know and she had his tattoo. If she was really an Other, why 
would she have gone to so much trouble to concocted a story 
that was so difficult to swallow? “What happened?”

“Jack” sat up slowly, belatedly realizing her shirt had ridden 
up slightly in the struggle. She tugged it back down, but not 
before Sawyer got a glimpse of smooth, pale skin. “I finished 
the surgery and they moved me to a cage outside. Once they were 
sure Ben was recovering, they came to get me.” She faltered and 
took a deep breath. “They knocked me out. When I woke up, I was 
strapped to some sort of table. I could hear them whispering 
somewhere – I could hear *Ben* whispering – but I was 
blindfolded. I couldn’t see them. They...injected me with 
something. It burned. My whole body felt like it was on fire.” 
She shuddered a little at the memory. “I heard myself 
screaming, but I couldn’t stop.” She gingerly traced the curve 
of one breast through her t-shirt. “Did they do this to me?”

Before Sawyer could say anything, Kate stuck her head in the 
tent. “Is she...” She trailed off when she saw “Jack” sitting 
up. “Oh.” She stepped inside warily.

Sawyer saw Jack’s mouth begin to form Kate’s name and stepped 
in before he – she – could make this crazy situation any more 
complicated. “Freckles, meet Jane Weaver. The other’s were 
holdin’ her in that aquarium with Jack.”

Jack blinked at him in surprise.

Kate eyed “Jane” skeptically. “How did you find this island?”

Sawyer answered this, too, before Jack had a chance. “Sailboat 
accident. Her fiancé didn’t make it. She stumbled right into 
their camp.”

Kate’s face softened and she squatted beside Jack. “I’m sorry.” 
She reached tentatively to trace a bruise on Jack’s temple. 
“Did they hurt you?”

Jack started at the touch but shook her head. “No,” she 
stammered. “I don’t know,” she revised nervously, glancing at 
Sawyer.

Kate looked to Sawyer too and he nodded somberly. She sighed 
and rested her hand on “Jane’s” shoulder. “How about I get you 
something to eat? We just got a fresh pile of mangoes.”

Jack nodded mutely, dazed. Kate stood and eyed Sawyer’s gun 
clip, laying in the sand by the front of the tent. “You okay 
with her,” she asked softly.

“She ain’t one of ‘em,” Sawyer murmured confidently. “Not after 
what they did to ‘er.”

A flash of horror and disgust shone in Kate’s eyes – something 
Sawyer had been hoping for – and she nodded, shooting one last 
sympathetic look at Jack before ducking from the tent.

“What...” Jack began.

Sawyer squatted beside her, cutting her off. “I can’t keep you 
from ‘em forever and if this...” he gestured toward her body 
“is permanent you’re gonna need a cover.”

“Why can’t I tell them the truth,” Jack stammered.

Sawyer stared into her eyes. “Would you believe what you just 
told me? Hell, I ain’t really sure *I* believe it. You tell ‘em 
you’re Jack, they’re gonna think you’re an Other for sure.”

Jack stared dumbly down at her body. Sawyer was right. Nobody 
would believe she had once been their Jack. “I can’t do this,” 
she murmured.

Sawyer cupped her chin and tilted her face up until their eyes 
met again. “Yes, you can, Doc. I’ll help you. We’ll find a way 
to fix this.” If it *can* be fixed, he added mentally.

She blinked at him. “Why are you helping me?”

Sawyer sighed. “’member what I said back ‘fore we were caught? 
You’re the closest thing I got to a friend. And I figure I owe 
ya one for all those times you saved my sorry ass.”

Jack’s smile was faint and watery. She nodded. “Thank you.”

******
(Two weeks later)

Sawyer hadn’t meant to spy on her. In the weeks since he’d 
found her, “Jane” had fit herself seamlessly into their group. 
Of course, no one but Sawyer realized this was because she had 
done it once before. She no longer needed Sawyer to act as her 
liaison, but he stayed near her anyway. He felt protective of 
her. And, though he didn’t dare act on it, he was attracted to 
her. This was nothing new. He’d been attracted to Jack when he 
was a man too. But now other people were noticing. A couple 
days ago, he’d let his eyes linger on her a little too long, 
taking in the rich alto of her voice and the way she laughed at 
something Kate said and Kate had noticed. She’d whispered to 
Jack, nodding in Sawyer’s direction. Jack had turned her head 
in his direction, a touch of shock and possibly horror in her 
expression. Then, recovering, she’d turned back to Kate, 
shaking her head like she was dismissing his attentions.

Now, when he stumbled upon her bathing by a small waterfall, he 
found himself similarly entranced.

Her hair was pulled back in a messy half-ponytail, her bare 
arms glistening as she ran the wet cloth along them. She set 
the cloth on a nearby rock and reached to undo her bra. She 
hated wearing it – especially since it was at least one size 
too small and pinched her painfully. 

She sighed pleasurably as it released, her ample breasts 
spilling free from the material, and Sawyer felt his blood run 
hot. He thought he should probably find it all disturbing. But 
then he’d never been all that discriminate about who he was 
attracted to, or, more accurately, who he slept with. And the 
woman in front of him now was just as beautiful and alluring as 
the man she’d been before the Other’s got hold of him. The 
package didn’t matter, did it? After all, it was still *Jack* 
in that body.

She ran the wet cloth over her neck, closing her eyes as the 
cool water soothed her skin. Sawyer’s eyes instinctively 
followed a rivulet of water, sparkling in the late afternoon 
light, as it trailed down her body, disappearing between her 
breasts.

A tiny groan escaped Sawyer before he could rein it in. His 
jeans were starting to feel uncomfortably tight. 

Jack’s head snapped up and swiveled in his direction, her eyes 
locking on him before he had half a chance to escape. They both 
froze, each waiting for the other to make the first move. 
Finally, Sawyer cleared his throat and stepped out from the 
cover of the surrounding jungle vegetation.

“Ah...sorry. I was just...” He trailed off lamely.

Jack blinked at him for several seconds before remembering her 
state of undress. She slowly looked down at her bare breasts, 
gasped and crossed her arms over her chest, the cloth still 
clutched tightly in one hand.

“What the hell do you want, Sawyer?”

Sawyer opened his mouth and immediately closed it again.

“Were you *watching* me?” Her face flamed with angry 
indignation.

“It’s not what you think,” Sawyer mumbled.

“My eyes are up here, Sawyer,” she snapped.

Sawyer tore his eyes from the angry red marks beneath her 
breasts. This was not going well and he briefly debated running 
away and pretending the whole thing never happened. “Those 
hurt,” he finally asked lamely.

“Does *what* hurt?”

Sawyer took a step toward her and she instinctively took a step 
back. He held up his hands. “S’okay. I ain’t gonna hurt you.” 
He stepped slowly closer and reached to gently pry the cloth 
from her hand. He stooped to dip it in the pool and carefully 
pressed it to the worst of the wounds – a deep red mark on her 
side where the bra had almost cut through her skin. She hissed 
in pain but didn’t move.

“You should stop wearin’ that damn thing,” he muttered. “It’s 
too tight.”

He looked up to find her cool gaze fixed on his face.

“I don’t know what game you’re trying to play, but it’s not 
going to work,” she said flatly. “I’m not going to become 
another one of your *conquests*.”

Sawyer winced. “I never wanted you t’be.”

“Ever since...*this* happened you’ve been undressing me with 
your eyes. And now you’re following me and watching me bathe? 
You know what?” She snatched the cloth from him, slapping his 
hand away. “Look all you want. I really don’t give a shit. Just 
don’t *touch* me.”

Sawyer averted his eyes the second her breasts spilled free 
again, even if she obviously didn’t care about modesty anymore. 
He strained to put his thoughts into coherent sentences that 
wouldn’t piss her off any further while she dunked the cloth 
and ran it over her shoulders.

“I’ve wanted you since the poker game,” he finally said 
quietly.

She froze. “What?”

“I wanted to fuck that cocky smile off your face. I wanted to 
get down on my knees and suck you ‘til you couldn’t stand no 
more.” He slowly looked back into her eyes.

She blinked. “You never said anything.”

He sighed. “’cause I figured you’d give me a bloody lip and 
tell me to get lost. Guess I wasn’t too far off.” He stood and 
turned to leave. “Forget I said anythin’.”

He was halfway across the clearing, headed back toward camp, 
when Jack finally got past her initial shock enough to speak. 
“Wait!”

Sawyer stopped and slowly turned to face her.

She half-turned toward him. “Why are you telling me this now?”

Sawyer combed one hand through his hair. “’cause I thought I’d 
lost you. ‘cause I’m the only one’t knows you ain’t really 
dead.”

She turned to face him fully and he averted his eyes. 

“If you want me now you couldn’t have wanted me then. I’m not 
the same person I was.”

“Yes, you are.” Sawyer slowly lifted his eyes to meet Jack’s. 
“You’re still in there. You c’n change the wrappin’ on the 
package, but that don’t change what’s inside.”

She just stared at him blankly.

Sawyer sighed and crossed the clearing again, cupping her face 
between his hands. “I blew my chance a tellin’ you before. I 
ain’t gonna do it again.” 

He kissed her then, pouring all of his pent up passion into the 
gesture. She gasped at the force of it and reached to grab his 
arms, not to push him away or pull him closer, but simply to 
ground herself. A warning voice in the back of her mind said 
there was no way he really meant what he’d said. She – he – 
would have noticed the signs long ago. Sawyer had proven 
himself proficient at bending people to his will and she would 
most likely be just another notch in his belt. But...

But it was really hard to think when he was kissing her like 
that.

She staggered a little as he let her up for air, the world 
around her seeming to swim just out of focus. She took deep 
breaths, blinking rapidly, feeling his thumb brush the curve of 
her lower lip.

“’sides...you’re just as beautiful now’s you were then.”

Jack just stared at him as the full meaning of that statement 
sunk in. Her breathing faltered as Sawyer’s lips brushed her 
cheek, feather light.

“Think I know a way to take care o’ those marks,” Sawyer 
whispered, his lips brushing the shell of Jack’s ear.

“Oh?” she panted.

“Soak ‘em.”

Jack yelped as Sawyer suddenly pushed her backwards and she 
fell with a loud splash into the pool. She surfaced, 
spluttering, to hear Sawyer laughing. “You bastard,” she spat, 
wiping water and sodden hair from her face.

Sawyer had already kicked off his shoes and socks and was 
working on his shirt.

“Now I have to walk back to camp in wet jeans,” Jack 
complained. “Do you know how long it’ll take for these to dry?”

“Yep,” Sawyer said brightly as he unzipped his own jeans and 
let them fall to the ground.

Jack’s jaw fell open. Of course Sawyer wouldn’t wear underwear. 
Not that she hadn’t seen him naked before, but that was only in 
a doctor’s capacity. This was different.

Sawyer dove into the water and surfaced beside Jack. She took 
an instinctive step away from him.

“C’mon, I ain’t gonna bite,” Sawyer laughed.

“It’s not biting I’m afraid of,” Jack fired back. She looked 
pointedly at his half-hard cock, faintly visible beneath the 
water. Had it always looked so *big*, she wondered feverishly. 
Despite her protests, she felt a throb of heat between her legs 
at the sight of Sawyer’s naked body. He was, she knew, 
gorgeous. She – he – had wanted Sawyer ever since he caught him 
chopping bamboo in the jungle with his shirt off. Jack had had 
a sudden desire to drop to his knees right then and there and 
lick the sweat from the Southerner’s sculpted abs. The forced 
sex change had apparently not made her body want him any less, 
but she didn’t dare tell him that.

“I ain’t gonna do anythin’ you don’t want me to do,” Sawyer 
promised, his voice low, gentle, flowing over her like warm 
honey. He stood on the soft, silty bottom of the pool, the 
water just reaching to his pecs. “Turn around.”

Jack tore her eyes from the glistening drops of water trailing 
down his hard, golden skin and swallowed thickly, slowly 
turning her back to him. She shivered as Sawyer’s fingers 
ghosted over her back, finding the thin, healing scrape where 
one of the bras metal hooks had snagged her skin. Jack may have 
once been good at removing women’s undergarments, but putting 
them *on* proved to be far more challenging.

“You should stop wearin’ that thing for a while. I could 
prob’ly find you a sweatshirt or somethin’.”

Jack groaned. “It’s fine. It’s just that stupid underwire keeps 
stabbing me.” She fingered a bruise on the outside curve of her 
left breast. “Whoever thought lining those things with metal 
was a good idea is a fucking sadist.”

Sawyer chuckled and ran his own fingers gently over the 
indicated spot. Jack sucked in a breath as their fingers 
brushed and snatched her hand away. She turned and pressed her 
hands to Sawyer’s chest, not entirely sure if she intended to 
push him away or simply steady herself. Sawyer’s hands settled 
on her waist, just above the curve of her hips.

“Don’t...” she hesitated as she realized she wasn’t sure what 
she wanted or didn’t want at the moment.

He sighed. “Relax, Doc. I ain’t gonna do anythin’ you don’t 
want me to.”

The old familiar nickname made her relax a little and she 
swayed as he suddenly let go and started to turn away, heading 
back toward the pools edge. 

“Wait,” she blurted. When he turned, she framed his face 
between her hands and kissed him, plunging her tongue past his 
unresisting lips to caress his, coaxing it into action.

He groaned, the noise swallowed by the kiss, and pulled her 
body flush against his.

She broke the kiss, panting. “How do I know you’re not just 
lying to get in my pants?”

“How do I know you’re really Jack? Guess we both have to have a 
little faith.”

She gasped, startled by the feel of his erection pressing into 
her hip. “I...I want you,” she admitted. “But this body...” She 
trailed off, willing him to understand her conflicting desire 
and fear.

He just smiled, a warm, seductive smile that made the swelling 
flesh between her legs throb. “Let’s see ‘bout gettin’ those 
pants o’ yours dry first.”

She blinked at him dumbly as he turned and climbed out of the 
pool. He stopped and reached back one hand, offering to help 
her up onto the bank. She hesitated a moment, then took it, 
letting him pull her from the water. She took two steps before 
stopping suddenly and pulling him back, spinning him around to 
face her.

Sawyer frowned, his eyes questioning. “What...”

She dropped to her knees silently and took the head of his cock 
in her mouth before he could finish.

“Jesus Christ,” he yelled, wobbling on his feet. “Jack...”

Her hands on his hips steadied him. She had never actually 
given a blowjob before, so once he regained his balance she 
just wrapped her hand around his thick base and concentrated on 
doing her best to mimic the things she had once liked. She 
barely came up for air, not wanting to give either of them a 
second to think, to change their minds.

He let out a wild yell when he came – quicker than she would 
have expected. The salty, bitter fluid hit the back of her 
throat and she gagged instinctively, pulling away, feeling it 
run down her chin as she coughed and gasped.

Sawyer dropped to his knees beside Jack, chuckling breathlessly 
and helping her wipe the mess from her face. “Nice’s that was, 
I’m thinkin’ maybe we oughta slow down a little.”

Jack grunted noncommittally. 

“Alright, let’s get those jeans off.”

He tugged her to her feet and helped her peel off her sodden 
jeans. It was quite possibly the least sexy strip tease she had 
ever been a part of. She stood awkwardly in nothing but a thin 
pair of water-soaked panties while he draped the jeans on a 
rock to dry. She folded her arms over her breasts nervously, 
even though she knew any embarrassment over her nudity was 
ridiculous at this point. 

She found herself staring at the sated cock hanging between his 
legs. Jack had never been with a man before, unless she counted 
that one drunken session of handjobs and dry humping in 
college. She was so used to being in control – being the 
seducer. The thought of Sawyer’s bulky frame looming over her, 
moving inside her, made her want to flee into the surrounding 
jungle.

It also made the flesh between her legs pulse wetly. The 
scientist in her marveled at these new feelings. It was one 
thing to recognize the signs of feminine arousal, but it was 
another thing entirely to actually experience it. She shifted 
slightly and bit back a moan as swollen, sensitive flesh rubbed 
uncomfortably against the dampened panties.

She gasped as lips brushed her shoulder. While she’d been 
daydreaming, Sawyer had sneaked up behind her, it seemed. He 
kissed his way across her shoulder and up her neck, his hands 
coming around her waist, warm palms pressed to her stomach. She 
hesitated, her mind and body warring with each other. 

Finally, her mind gave in. She reached for one of his hands, 
gently guiding it toward her breast and leaned into his kiss. 
She felt him smile against her lips. His hands gently kneaded 
her breasts, fingers circling her sensitive nipples, pinching 
lightly. She moaned as she felt the skin grow taut, the nipples 
forming stiff peaks.

Sawyer pulled back and she wobbled at the sudden loss of 
contact, slightly dizzy from the arousal building up inside 
her. Sawyer caught her by the elbow as she stumbled and she 
swore she heard him chuckle softly.

“Lie down,” he murmured.

She obeyed without question. Honestly, she wasn’t really sure 
how much longer she could stay standing. She sat on a patch of 
grass and gingerly lowered herself onto her back, keeping her 
knees closed and slightly bent. She smiled nervously as she 
reached for him.

Sawyer lay beside her, hovering over her. “You’re blushin’.” He 
smiled, his dimples showing.

“I’ve never done this before,” she admitted.

He cocked an eyebrow. “Thought you said you was married.”

Jack felt her face flush hotter. “I’m not a *virgin*. I 
just...I’m not used to being on this side.”

“Ah...” Sawyer traced lazy patterns on her stomach with a light 
finger. “Well...I promise I’ll be gentle.”

He captured her lips again and she was so lost in the kiss that 
she almost missed the path his hand was tracing down her 
abdomen and under the waist of her panties.

She panted and shivered as he abandoned her lips to kiss a 
trail down her neck. All of her focus was concentrated on that 
wandering hand now. She nearly screamed when he slid it back 
out from under the edge of the material, his fingers playing 
idly over her abdomen.

He went agonizingly slow - working his way down her body with 
lips, tongue and teeth – until she thought she might crawl out 
of her skin.

“Sawyer,” she whined, all dignity lost to her growing arousal. 
“*Please*!”

He smirked and dipped his tongue one last time into her navel, 
delighting in the way that made her squirm. “Long’s you asked 
so nicely...” He hooked his thumbs in her underwear and gently 
dragged them down, tossing them in the direction of her jeans. 
Then he spread her thighs, settling between her knees and 
simply looking at her. She blushed under his scrutiny, her skin 
coloring from her hairline all the way to the tops of her 
breasts. Her pale skin shimmered slightly with sweat, making 
the stars lining her arm seem to twinkle. 

Sawyer let his finger trace the damp seam between her legs, 
watching her face as he pressed one finger inside her.

She sucked in a breath, her muscles clamping wetly around the 
digit. Sawyer’s cock twitched, slowly coming back to life after 
his previous orgasm, eager to be inside that tight heat. But he 
didn’t really want that. Not yet anyway. He pulled the finger 
back and gently thrust forward again.

“This okay?”

Jack nodded. “Feels kinda weird.”

“You need me to stop?” He thrust his finger again, feeling her 
start to loosen. ‘Please, no,’ he thought.

She shook her head. “No, I...no...”

He kissed the inside of her knee gratefully and slipped a 
second finger inside, curling both upward in search of the spot 
that would get her flying. He’d had enough practice with 
pleasuring women that he was pretty confident he could find it. 
Unless, of course, Jack’s body was built differently thanks to 
the forced sex change.

She gasped suddenly, her muscles tightening, her hips pushing 
instinctively into his touch.

He smiled. ‘Bingo.’ “That’s it, baby,” he murmured, pressing a 
kiss and then a light nip to her inner thigh.

“Oh, fuck...I...Sawyer...” Her chest heaved erratically. She 
felt dizzy from the sudden surge of pleasure flowing seemingly 
throughout every inch of her body, radiating from low in her 
abdomen. She felt too hot, like she might burst into flame at 
any moment.

“Shh...just let it happen,” she heard Sawyer murmur distantly. 
Then his mouth closed around the tight bundle of nerves above 
his thrusting fingers.

Jack scrabbled at the ground beneath her, handfuls of grass 
ripping from the Earth between her clenched fingers. She thrust 
mindlessly, her movements hampered by Sawyer’s other hand 
pressed to her abdomen. Heat and wetness pooled between her 
legs, Sawyer’s flickering tongue fanning the flames expertly.

She yelped as she flew over the edge, every muscle in her body 
tensing and then going utterly slack.

Sawyer gentled his ministrations as Jack slowly drifted back to 
reality. He kissed a trail back up her body, letting his 
fingers continue to play gently over her swollen entrance.

Jack growled impatiently when Sawyer took his sweet time, 
lingering over her navel, the dip between her breasts and the 
hollow of her throat. Finally, she threw her legs around his 
waist, dragging his lower body closer.

The movement dislodged his lips and he blinked down at her in 
confusion.

“Enough foreplay,” she panted. “Fuck me.”

Sawyer blinked at her stupidly, wondering how she had managed 
to throw him so completely out of his element so quickly. 
‘Because she’s still Jack,’ part of his mind supplied. 
“Sweetheart, we don’t have to...”

“Just shut up and do it.” She squirmed, trying unsuccessfully 
to impale herself on his renewed erection.

Sawyer’s hands clamped down on her hips, stilling her 
movements. “What is this about, Jack?”

She fell back with a groan, the sound of her name on his lips 
sobering her a little. “I just...” She clenched her teeth, her 
cheeks coloring. How could she explain that her whole life had 
been about control – being the leader, being the stronger one. 
She wanted to know what it was like to relinquish that control 
for once. She wanted to feel his strong body surge within her. 
She wanted to be able to cling to him tightly without worrying 
about hurting him in the heat of the moment. She realized 
belatedly that she could have had all those things when she’d 
been a man too, and she cursed herself for waiting so long.

“I want you,” she finally said simply. “All of you. I’ve wanted 
you for so long...I can’t wait anymore.”

Sawyer just stared at her uncertainly.

Jack tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled him down, 
kissing him. “Please,” she whimpered against his lips. “I want 
you inside me.”

Sawyer eased against her, letting her take some of his weight, 
groaning into her mouth as he felt her wet flesh brush the 
underside of his cock. He gave a small, experimental thrust and 
Jack responded by growling and grabbing his ass, pulling him in 
tight, her nails digging into his skin almost painfully.

Sawyer groaned. “Okay, okay, ease up a little, Doc.”

She eased her grip slightly, but continued writhing against 
him. “Please. I’m ready. Just do it.”

“Shh...slow down,” Sawyer murmured, brushing his lips along the 
soft, warm skin of her neck. “Don’t wanna hurt you.”

Jack groaned. “I’m not a virgin, Sawyer. I know what I’m 
doing.”

Sawyer leaned back so he could look her in the eyes. “You’ve 
had something inside you other than that stick up your ass?”

She opened her mouth but the snappy comeback she had for his 
assessment of her personality died on her tongue as she 
realized he had a point. 

He chuckled softly. “Thought so. We’re takin’ it slow.”

She groaned and gave in reluctantly, relaxing into the soft 
grass and sighing pleasurably as his hand wandered between her 
legs again, fingers playing along her wet folds.

By the time he finally guided his cock to her entrance she was 
practically vibrating with desperate need. She gasped as she 
felt the blunt head press against her heated flesh. “Oh...”

“Relax,” he panted, groaning as he pushed into the tight heat.

Jack bit her lip to hold back the whimper that threatened to 
burst from her throat. It didn’t hurt, but there was an 
uncomfortable burning stretch that she was afraid to give voice 
to. She knew the discomfort was normal. She also knew that if 
she complained Sawyer would stop and she didn’t want that. 
‘It’ll go away,’ a voice in the back of her mind assured her.

Sawyer stopped moving and bent low over her, cradling the back 
of her neck in one trembling hand. “Breathe, sweetheart,” he 
murmured in her ear. 

She blew out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. 
“Don’t stop,” she blurted, her voice sounding more desperately 
pleading than she would have liked.

“I ain’t stoppin’,” he panted. “Just waitin’ for you to relax. 
Yer wound up tighter ‘n’ a two-dollar watch.”

Jack groaned. 

“Hey.” Sawyer jostled her head gently. “Look at me.”

Jack blinked up at him. 

“I ain’t a doctor, but I’m pretty sure it’ll hurt less if you 
relax.”

“I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt.”

It was clear from the look in his eyes that Sawyer didn’t buy 
it. “Uh-huh. Listen, this ain’t gonna happen if you don’t work 
with me here.”

She just stared at him, her jaw set firmly. 

“Fine then. Suit yourself.” He pulled out of her abruptly, 
swallowing a groan as his body screamed in protest. 

The world spun then as Jack surged against him, knocking him 
over onto his back and straddling his prone body. “I said don’t 
stop,” she growled.

A deep chuckle rumbled in Sawyer’s chest. “Should’ve known 
you’d wanna be on top.”

“Shut up,” Jack muttered, reaching back for his cock and 
fumbling a little to guide him back inside her. Sawyer helped 
guide her with a firm grip on her hips. 

Jack braced herself against his chest and pushed back against 
him, impaling herself quickly on the theory that, like a band-
aid, it would be less painful to get it over with quickly. She 
stopped when she could go no further and tried hopelessly to 
get her breathing back under control, wondering if his idea 
had, in fact, been better after all. 

“C’mere,” he said gently.

She lowered herself down until their chests were flush, gasping 
as the move caused him to shift inside her. She could feel 
every pulsing inch of him spreading her open, filling her. It 
felt strange, unnatural. And yet it felt... right somehow.

Sawyer brushed her damp hair back tenderly. “You okay?”

Jack nodded, lips pressed in a firm line.

Sawyer shifted, bringing his knees up slowly and rolling his 
hips with as slow a movement as he could manage in his state of 
arousal.

Jack gasped, her hands flailing for a moment before finding 
purchase on his arms, her nails digging into the skin. All of 
her focus centered momentarily between her legs as a burst of 
pleasure eclipsed the pain. She moved instinctively and moaned 
as she felt it again. “Oh...” 

Sawyer groaned. “That’s it, baby. Nice and easy. Sit up.”

Jack pushed herself upright with shaking hands, bracing her 
palms on his chest again, letting his hands guide her in a slow 
rolling thrust that only moved him a fraction inside her. She 
frowned. While it didn’t hurt, it didn’t feel as nice as it had 
a moment before. She lifted herself up, feeling him slide out 
of her a little and let herself fall back, trying to recapture 
that feeling.

Sawyer groaned. “Yeah, that’s it. Fuck...” His left hand slid 
from her hip and he pressed his thumb against her clit. 

Oh. That was it. 

A low sound somewhere between a moan and a growl ripped from 
Jack’s throat as she began to ride Sawyer with quick, hard 
movements, pushing against his hand on every downstroke.

Sawyer groaned and rolled his hips to meet her thrusts, the 
slide of their bodies growing easier as Jack’s body relaxed 
into the act. Her hands scrambled a little for purchase as 
Sawyer’s chest grew slick with sweat. Finally she just curled 
her fingers into the grass on either side of his head and let 
her mind shut down, giving herself over to her body’s 
instincts.

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful,” Sawyer gasped. 

Jack let out a garbled, completely insensible sound, all of her 
focus centered on the tension building low in her abdomen. Just 
one more thrust and she was sure she would come again.

Sawyer moved the thumb still wedged between their bodies in 
just the right way and everything went blurry. Jack vaguely 
heard a woman yelp and belatedly realized the noise was coming 
from her.

She came to her senses when Sawyer rolled her over on her back 
suddenly, his cock slipping free in the process. She had only a 
moment to register the absence before he was back inside her. 
She moaned and wrapped her rubbery legs around his waist, 
trying to counter his thrusts, her efforts clumsy in her post-
orgasmic lethargy. It didn’t matter. Sawyer was too far gone to 
notice.

Sawyer gave a wild yell when he came. Jack felt a burst of 
wetness between her legs and then Sawyer was collapsing on top 
of her, just managing to brace himself on his elbows to keep 
from crushing her. He tried to roll away, but she tightened her 
grip. 

“Not yet,” she pleaded.

Sawyer brushed the hair back from her face with shaking hands. 
“You okay?”

“Mmm...” Jack tangled her hands in his hair and dragged him 
down for a kiss.

Sawyer smiled against her lips. “I gotta move, sweetheart,” he 
mumbled.

Jack winced as Sawyer’s cock slipped free.

“Sorry.” He kissed her again and settled in the grass beside 
her. He stared at her silently for a minute, drawing absent 
patterns on her bare stomach with light fingertips.

Jack flushed a little under his gaze. “What?”

Sawyer’s smile was soft, sleepy and warm – almost loving. 
“Nothin’...just wonderin’ why we waited so long to do that.”

Jack stilled his wandering hand, tangling their fingers 
together. “I guess we’ll just have to make up for all that time 
we wasted hating each other.”

Sawyer squeezed her hand gently. “I never hated you, darlin’. 
Sure, you pissed me off, but I never *hated* you.”

Jack brought their joined hands to her mouth, lightly kissing 
Sawyer’s knuckles, sighing as he pulled his hand away and 
leaned down to capture her lips, his kiss gossamer light but 
full of promise.

“We should get cleaned up,” she murmured. “Go back to the 
beach.”

He groaned. “Five minutes.”

Jack looked at the jeans left drying on the rock, mentally 
calculating the distance she would have to travel on her still-
shaky legs to see if they were dry yet. Then she looked back at 
Sawyer, who smiled charmingly, hints of his dimples showing at 
the corners of his lips. 

“Five minutes,” she agreed.

********
(Four days later)

Sawyer woke to sunlight streaming through the flaps of his 
tent. It took him a moment to register the body sprawled half 
on top of him. He smiled sleepily and turned to kiss the head 
resting on his shoulder.

Jack made a small noise of complaint, shifting slightly. “Five 
more minutes,” she mumbled.

Sawyer hummed an agreement and settled again.

He was just skirting the edge of unconsciousness again when 
Kate’s voice drifted in from outside the tent.

“Sawyer? You awake?”

“Go away,” Sawyer called back without opening his eyes.

“I need to talk to you.”

Jack groaned and rolled away from him, taking the blanket with 
her. Sawyer grumbled a few curses and climbed from the 
makeshift bedding, tugging on a pair of jeans before sticking 
his head outside. “This’d better be good, Freckles...” The 
halfhearted scolding didn’t even make it to his lips as he 
registered the two women standing outside the tent. Kate had 
her arms crossed over her chest, a grave expression on her 
face. The other woman Sawyer recognized as the blonde Other who 
had helped him and Kate escape. She had several bruises and 
scrapes on her face that hadn’t been there two weeks earlier. 
Her cool blue eyes were locked on his determinedly.

“What’s she doin’ here,” he growled.

“She says she has to talk to Jane,” Kate answered. “Only she 
calls her ‘Jack’.”

Sawyer leveled a glare at the woman. “This your doin’?”

The woman winced ever so slightly, but covered quickly. “Where 
is she?”

“You think I’m gonna let you anywhere near her after what you 
people did...”

“Sawyer?”

Sawyer stiffened and whirled on Jack, standing behind him 
outside the tent in her jeans and his shirt. “Get back inside,” 
he ordered.

She ignored him, her attention focused on the blonde. “Juliet?”

“Jack...”

“I said get back inside,” Sawyer growled, shoving Jack toward 
the tent opening. 

She pushed back, but with her diminished upper body strength 
she was no real match for him. “She’s not one of them!”

“This ain’t up for debate, Doc!”

“Hey!”

Sawyer turned toward the sound to find Kate staring at them 
with an expression that was a mixture of confusion, shock and 
anger. “What’s going on?”

“James,” Juliet said in a soft, calm voice. “Please, just let 
me explain...”

“There ain’t nothin’ to explain. That fuckin’ sadist decided to 
play God,” Sawyer snapped.

Kate threw her hands up, shaking her head. “Wait, you’re 
seriously saying that Jane is really Jack?”

“Ben used Jack as a test subject for a drug the Dharma 
Initiative used in animal experiments. He called it Project 
Tiresias,” Juliet explained almost absently.

“Why would Ben want to turn Jack into a woman,” Kate pressed.

Juliet leveled her gaze at Kate. “Because for as long as any of 
us can remember every pregnant woman on this island has died. 
And since Ben no longer cared whether Jack lived or died he 
decided to see if she could be the exception.”

Kate and Sawyer stared at her in stunned, horrified silence. 
Finally, Jack spoke up, her voice numb.

“I’m pregnant?”

Juliet shook her head. “You weren’t when we released you.” She 
glanced at Sawyer, obviously noting his state of undress. “But 
it’s possible, if you’ve had sex since then.”

Jack’s face grew sickly pale. “He wanted someone from our camp 
to...”

“Not just anyone,” Juliet said when Jack trailed off, unable to 
voice the disturbing theory. “He suspected it would be James.”

Jack took a step back so suddenly she nearly stumbled on the 
uneven sand. Sawyer turned to catch her, but she bat at his 
hands, trying to shove him away. “Don’t!”

He ignored her protests and pulled her into his arms. She let 
out a muffled sob and stopped fighting, sagging slightly into 
his hold.

Juliet glanced over her shoulder. “We should probably discuss 
this inside.”

Sawyer looked toward the rest of the camp and saw a couple 
curious faces turned in their direction. He clenched his jaw 
and nodded, gently guiding Jack back inside the tent.

********

“You said I could be the exception,” Jack said numbly, feeling 
Sawyer’s hand tighten in hers. She was pretty sure his solid 
presence beside her was the only thing keeping her from 
completely falling apart. 

Juliet shook her head somberly. “Ben may think it’s possible 
you will be the exception, but I can’t take that risk. I have 
had nine patients since I came to this island. Not one of them 
made it to their third trimester. I can’t let you become the 
tenth.”

“But you said the transformation...”

Juliet held up a hand, the look in her eyes cutting off Jack’s 
protest. “If you survived, it would have a significant impact 
on my research into what killed those nine women, but it would 
take a miracle. Project Tiresias isn’t a simple sex change. You 
are, in every sense, a woman. Period. Biologically there is 
nothing that would make you any different from any other 
pregnant woman on this island.”

“Do you have any pregnancy tests in your stash,” Kate asked 
from where she stood stiffly by the tent opening. 

Sawyer grimaced. “No.”

“There’s a medical station not far from here – one of the 
abandoned Dharma stations,” Juliet said. “I can run some 
tests.”

“I’ve been to that station,” Kate cut in. “It’s been cleaned 
out. There’s hardly anything left.”

If Juliet was surprised by that revelation, she didn’t show it. 
“There should be enough to determine whether or not she’s 
pregnant and, if necessary, perform an...abortion.” She tripped 
slightly on the word, betraying her emotions. She was a 
fertility doctor. She helped bring babies into the world, 
regardless of the odds. But she couldn’t bear the thought of 
losing another woman and her unborn child to this island.

“No,” Jack blurted. “I can’t...”

“Jack, listen to me,” Juliet interrupted, her voice firm. “I 
have tried everything. I think it happens at conception. If you 
are pregnant, you and the baby will die.”

A tear spilled down Jack’s cheek and she swiped at it angrily. 
“Why would he do this? Why didn’t he just shoot me?”

Sawyer wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her firmly 
against his body, absorbing the faint tremors running through 
her slender frame.

“I think...he might want to punish me too,” Juliet said slowly. 
“He knows I tried to get you to kill him. He kicked me out 
knowing I’d come here – knowing I’d try to save you.” She 
blinked back her own tears. “He expects me to fail. He wants me 
to have to watch you die.”

“This is ridiculous,” Kate blurted. “You expect us to believe 
that Ben changed Jack into a woman and then let him go hoping 
Sawyer would find him and, eventually, impregnate 
him...her...and then he let you go knowing you would try to 
stop it.” Her face contorted in an expression of disbelief 
bordering on exasperation. “Why would he go through that much 
trouble?”

Juliet sighed. “Honestly, we weren’t sure Jack would even 
survive the transformation. I don’t think Ben planned on it. 
Project Tiresias was never used on human test subjects. Most of 
the animals it was used on died.”

Kate turned to Sawyer. “You knew who she was all along.”

Sawyer barely glanced at her, too focused on Jack, who was 
still trembling violently in his arms. “Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

This time Sawyer met her glare. “Would you’ve believed it?”

Kate shifted her stiff stance and uncrossed one arm, massaging 
her forehead and brushing aside a flyaway strand of hair. 

“There is another option,” Juliet said hesitantly, breaking the 
uncomfortable silence.

All eyes in the tent turned toward her.

“I stole a vial of the drug Ben used.” She nodded toward the 
backpack she’d carried with her through the jungle. “I can turn 
you back into a man.”

Jack’s breath caught.

“Thought you said she nearly died the first time,” Sawyer 
snarled. “Now you’re sayin’ you wanna put her through that 
again?”

“There is a risk, yes,” Juliet said calmly, evenly. “But she 
survived it once. And if she is pregnant...”

“Think we’ll take our chances on gettin’ off this island first, 
Dr. Frankenstein.”

“I’ll do it,” Jack blurted.

Kate stopped her pacing by the door. “What?”

“Have you lost your goddamn mind?” Sawyer’s arm slipped from 
Jack’s shoulders.

Jack turned to him, tears sparkling in her eyes. “This isn’t 
*me*. I’m tired of pretending to be someone else. I can’t spend 
the rest of my life in this body if there’s a way to fix it!”

Sawyer’s face twisted in outraged disbelief. “So you’d rather 
just kill yourself?”

“If I’m pregnant, I’m gonna die anyway!”

“We don’t know that!”

Jack stared at him, his features blurred by her angry tears. 
“Which  part of this is disturbing you more? That I might die 
or that I won’t look like this anymore?”

Sawyer’s eyes flashed and he curled his hands into fists, 
resisting the sudden impulse to slap Jack. “I told you, it 
don’t matter *what* you look like! You heard what Blondie said 
– you almost *died* because that slimy bastard decided to fuck 
with nature. I ain’t about to let you do that again if you 
don’t have to!”

Jack shook her head and dropped it in her hands. She didn’t 
know what to do – or believe for that matter – anymore.

“Jack?”

Jack slowly raised her head to meet Juliet’s sympathetic gaze.

“Let me take you to the medical station. We need to see if 
you’re pregnant first. Then we can figure out where to go from 
there.”

Jack glanced at Sawyer and Kate – both of whom looked just as 
upset and overwhelmed by this turn of events as she felt – and 
nodded. “Okay.”

********

The walk to the station was long and tense, with Jack brushing 
off all of Sawyer’s attempts to talk. Kate had stayed back at 
camp and Juliet barely said a word aside from giving the 
occasional direction.

The station was just as Kate had described it – trashed and 
abandoned. The lights hummed and flickered, creating an 
atmosphere not unlike a bad horror movie.

Juliet had Jack pee in a cup and ran the sample through an 
ancient looking machine, that she claimed would be more 
accurate than a home pregnancy test.

“You understand that it is still very early,” Juliet warned. 
“It’s possible your body isn’t producing hCG yet even if you 
have conceived.”

Jack nodded tremulously, eyes flitting to Sawyer, who stood 
guard by the door. 

The machine beeped loudly when it had finished and Jack visibly 
flinched.

Sawyer cursed under his breath and abandoned his guard. In two 
steps he was beside Jack, taking her trembling hand in his. He 
didn’t care if she was still furious with him – he couldn’t let 
her face this alone. Jack didn’t fight him.

Juliet consulted the results and turned toward Jack with a 
tentative smile. “It’s negative.”

Jack’s whole body sagged with relief, a strangled sob escaping 
her. 

Sawyer wrapped his free arm around Jack’s shoulders and was 
surprised when she sagged against him, the hand not gripping 
his fisting in his shirt.

“I’ll give you a minute,” Juliet said, quietly making her way 
from the room.

Jack recovered quickly, carefully disentangling herself from 
Sawyer and straightening, wiping stray moisture from her 
cheeks.

Sawyer stood awkwardly, letting his hands drop back to his 
sides. “You okay?”

She sniffled, but nodded firmly.

“You uh...still want that injection?”

She sighed, the anger creeping back into her features, 
thrusting aside her giddy relief. “Yes, Sawyer, I still want my 
old body back.”

“It ain’t your *body* I’m worried about...”

“Bullshit,” she sneered. “You weren’t even interested in me 
until I grew a pair of tits.” 

She gasped as Sawyer slapped her suddenly. He didn’t give 
either of them time to register the blow before grabbing a 
handful of her hair, forcing her to look at him in the eye. 
“Listen to me, you son of a bitch, I really don’t give a fuck 
*what* you look like, I ain’t about to stand by and watch you 
kill yourself!”

Jack blinked at him, her mouth opening and closing impotently 
for a few moments. “What did you call me,” she finally asked, 
dazed.

Sawyer blinked and released Jack’s hair, taking a step back. He 
had never hit a woman in his life, but in that moment he hadn’t 
thought of her as a woman – only as Jack, the infuriating 
blowhard he’d crashed on this hellhole island with. “Sorry,” he 
mumbled.

Jack hesitated, then slowly climbed down from the padded 
hospital bed and reached for Sawyer, her hands gripping his 
shoulders. “Look at me.”

Sawyer bit back a groan and reluctantly raised his eyes to meet 
hers. 

“This is not me. I’m trapped in this body. I can’t spend the 
rest of my life like this. Not when I have a choice.”

“Any body’s better n’ nothin’.”

Jack closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “All those people 
back at the beach...you saw how they acted around me. They 
don’t trust me. Why should they? My own mother wouldn’t believe 
me if I told her who I was.” She slipped one hand behind 
Sawyer’s neck, her thumb rubbing lightly against his jaw, her 
watery eyes boring into his. “If you hadn’t believed me...if 
you hadn’t convinced them...they would’ve treated me the same 
way we treated Ben. I am so grateful for that, but I can’t keep 
being Jane forever. I want my life back.”

Sawyer shook his head, his eyes already damp, his jaw tight. 
“Don’t ask me to watch you die.”

“I won’t die,” she said firmly. “Not if you help me through it. 
Give me something to live for.”

Sawyer stared into her tear-filled eyes for another moment, 
then pulled her into his arms. “I love you,” he whispered, his 
voice tight and thick.

Jack made a noise somewhere between a sob and a surprised 
laugh. “Will you still love me when I’m back in my old body?”

Sawyer pulled back so he could kiss her, his lips massaging 
hers so tenderly it made a couple traitorous tears spill over. 
“I always did, sweetheart.”

*********

Jack lay naked and trembling on a small bed while Juliet 
fastened soft restraints on her wrists. The presence of the 
restraints in this place disturbed her, but she didn’t dare 
question them.

She knew neither the restraints nor her nudity explained the 
tremors running through her body. Her heart pounded and she 
couldn’t erase the image of a prisoner being strapped down for 
lethal injection from her mind. The fact that she couldn’t be 
given anything to counter the pain for fear of how the drugs 
would interact didn’t help. She gripped Sawyer’s hand tightly 
as it slipped into hers. 

“I love you,” she blurted.

Sawyer just squeezed her hand and nodded, his eyes relaying the 
sentiment for him.

Juliet swabbed Jack’s arm and prepared the syringe, 
concentrating on tapping out every last air bubble while the 
lovers had their moment. “Are you ready,” she finally asked, 
holding the needle poised over Jack’s arm.

Jack took a deep, shaky breath and nodded.

She winced as the needle plunged into her skin, more from 
anticipation and nerves than from pain. Sawyer stroked the back 
of her hand and murmured something she couldn’t quite make out 
around the blood rushing in her ears.

The burning started almost immediately. She whimpered as it 
raced up her arm and squirmed, tugging instinctively at the 
restraints as it spread throughout her body. “Sawyer!”

He squeezed her hand. “I’m right here, baby.”

She gripped his hand and writhed, instinctively trying to get 
away from the fire that tore through her body, a stream of 
distressed noises slipping from her throat.

A wall of pain slammed into her and she screamed, her back 
arching from the bed, feeling as if her body was being ripped 
in half. The world went fuzzy and grey around her, her mind 
shutting down to protect her from the overwhelming agony. 

The next thing she was aware of was Sawyer, hovering over her.

“Jack! Look at me, baby!”

Hands cradled her head, steadying her. Another hand pressed 
between her legs where she could feel a warm wetness. She 
wondered vaguely if her bladder had released itself.

“’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“Jack! Look at me!”

The frantic, worried tone in Sawyer’s voice made her force her 
eyes open. She strained to focus on his face – pain and tears 
blurring her vision.

“Stay with me,” Sawyer babbled. “Don’t you leave me!”

She thought she could hear Juliet say something about bleeding 
from somewhere behind him. Was she bleeding? 

“Oh, Christ,” Sawyer gasped and Jack caught a glimpse of a 
clump of long brown hair in his hand before he tossed it aside 
and went back to supporting her head. “I’m here, baby. Stay 
with me...”

Jack tried to say something to him, reassure him, ask what was 
wrong, who was bleeding, but all that came out was a long, 
ragged cry as she felt certain that her arms and legs were 
being forcibly ripped from their sockets. 

The sound was still ringing in her ears as she finally, 
mercifully, passed out.

********

Sawyer bent over the small sink in the hatch bathroom and 
splashed his face with cold water, breathing deeply, trying to 
still the trembling in his hands. He couldn’t stop replaying 
the terrifying images of Jack’s transformation. Every blood-
curdling scream, every sickening pop of bone realigning itself. 
He was certain the sounds would haunt him for the rest of his 
life. 

The fact that Jack had survived something so horrifying twice 
was nothing short of a miracle as far as Sawyer was concerned – 
though Juliet claimed the male-to-female transition had been 
easier. He was pretty sure she had said that mostly to appease 
him, but at least the first time around Jack hadn’t been 
pregnant. 

Juliet had been quick to assure Sawyer that Jack still hadn’t 
really been pregnant – that the egg hadn’t “implanted” yet and 
may never have or something like that. None of it changed the 
fact that Jack had bled so much that they had both feared she 
wouldn’t survive long enough to complete the transition.

“James,” Juliet called from the hallway. “He’s awake.”

Sawyer was out of the bathroom and down the hall before he even 
drew another breath. Juliet was already back in the room too, 
digging through a backpack by the door. Sawyer barely paid 
attention to her, heading straight for Jack.

“I’m here, baby,” he said as he perched on the edge of the 
narrow bed.

Bleary eyes strained to focus on him. “Sawyer?” The voice was a 
broken, strained whisper, barely recognizable as human, much 
less Jack’s former baritone.

Juliet appeared opposite Sawyer, a water bottle in one hand. 
“Here, Jack. Small sips,” she instructed, lifting Jack’s head 
with her other hand and carefully tipping the bottle to his 
lips. Jack coughed weakly, but managed a few sips. 

“Easy,” Juliet murmured. She gently lowered Jack’s head back to 
the threadbare pillow and swept aside a couple of “Jane’s” shed 
hairs.

“Sawyer,” Jack called again.

Sawyer slipped his hand into Jack’s and squeezed. “Right here.” 
He ran the fingers of his other hand through the short hair 
that had grown in place of Jane’s. “Are you in pain?” When he 
didn’t get an answer right away he turned to Juliet. “Can we 
give him somethin’ for the pain?”

Juliet opened her mouth to reply – though from the look on her 
face it was obvious she wasn’t sure. She never got a chance to 
say anything, however, as a small, garbled noise burst from 
Jack’s raw throat.

Sawyer’s attention snapped back to him, eyes frantically 
searching his face. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Worked...”

Sawyer frowned. “What?”

Jack visibly struggled to speak. “It...worked?”

Sawyer blew out a breath. “Yeah, sweetheart. It worked. You’re 
the same ugly bastard you were when we got to this crazy rock.”

Jack made the same garbled noise again – this time obviously a 
sob.

“Hey, easy...” Sawyer stroked Jack’s hair and face, thumbing 
away the tears that leaked from his eyes, helplessly trying to 
soothe him.

“Jack,” Juliet leaned closer suddenly, placing a gentle hand on 
Jack’s chest. “You have to try to stay calm. Your body has been 
through a lot of stress. That’s why you feel very weak right 
now. You need to relax – let your body recover.”

Sawyer flinched. Juliet had warned him that Jack wouldn’t be 
out of the woods quite yet – that his body could still be 
fragile from the stress of the transition, his heart weak. In 
other words, he could survive the agony of having his entire 
body chemically mutated twice only to die of a heart attack. It 
was part of the reason they had decided they wouldn’t tell Jack 
about the miscarriage yet.

Sawyer let go of Jack’s hand and reached to cradle his head 
with both hands. “Look at me, darlin’.”

Jack’s eyes slowly focused on his face.

“That’s it. Settle down. It’s all right.”

A tiny whimper escaped Jack’s throat, becoming muffled as 
Sawyer’s lips pressed gently to his.

Sawyer spread chaste, delicate kisses over Jack’s face, 
continuing his mindless litany of soothing murmurs until he 
felt Jack’s muscles gradually relax, his breathing slowly 
evening out.

Juliet smiled and patted Sawyer’s shoulder. “I’ll leave you two 
alone.”

Sawyer gave her a distracted nod and she quietly slipped from 
the room.

“Love...you,” Jack managed to scratch out, his eyes drooping 
with exhaustion.

Sawyer smiled, flashing the barest hint of dimples. “I love you 
too, you ugly bastard,” he murmured affectionately.

**********

It took the better part of a day for them to get back to the 
beach camp, with Jack leaning heavily on Sawyer and – sometimes 
– Juliet the whole way.

The camp buzzed with excited chatter at the sight of Jack. 
Their initial joy at his return was coupled with alarm and some 
outright anger, though, when people noticed the condition he 
was in. The fact that Juliet was at his side, gently supporting 
him by the elbow, kept them from turning on her – a detail Jack 
had suggested during their long trek back to the beach. 

“I’m fine,” Jack muttered repeatedly as various concerned 
castaways gathered around them. His grip on Sawyer tightened. 

Sawyer understood his silent plea and guided Jack away from the 
group gently, leaving Juliet to answer questions and reassure 
everyone that Jack would be fine once he got some much-needed 
rest.

Sawyer had barely gotten Jack settled on a thin blanket before 
Kate ducked into the tent, a water bottle in one hand. She 
barely glanced at Sawyer before kneeling beside Jack, holding 
the bottle out to him.

Jack accepted the water with a soft “thank you”, and 
immediately raised it to his lips with a trembling hand.

Kate winced at the still-ragged sound of his voice. “Are you 
okay?”

“He’ll be fine,” Sawyer answered automatically, sitting beside 
Jack, resting a possessive hand on his knee.

Kate blinked at him, glanced down at the hand on Jack’s leg, 
and refocused on Jack’s face, searching his eyes intently. “Is 
it really you?”

Jack smiled tiredly. “Guess I won’t have to figure out those 
pads after all.”

A blush rose to Kate’s cheeks as she recalled a conversation 
with “Jane” the week before about obtaining feminine products. 
She shook her head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You wouldn’t have believed me,” Jack said simply.

Kate looked at Sawyer again, eyeing the hand on Jack’s leg, the 
thumb of which had begun unconsciously brushing back and forth 
across the material of Jack’s jeans.

“It’s okay,” Jack reassured her. “He won’t hurt me.”

Sawyer’s eyes snapped to Jack’s face, widening with surprise, 
but Jack wasn’t paying attention to him. 

Kate smiled and leaned in to hug Jack. “It’s good to have you 
back,” she murmured in his ear. She smiled as she pulled back, 
cupping his cheek affectionately with one hand, before climbing 
to her feet and slipping from the tent.

The minute she disappeared from view, Jack’s smile faltered and 
he reached for Sawyer, the recapped water bottle tumbling to 
the sand with a dull thump.

Sawyer caught Jack before he slumped sideways, easing him back 
onto the bedding. “Alright, easy...” He knew Jack was exhausted 
from the trip back to camp. He also knew Jack probably would 
have collapsed immediately, too tired to move another muscle, 
had Kate not distracted him. For everyone other than Sawyer 
(and because he had no choice, Juliet), Jack would still 
stubbornly pretend to be strong, even though his body screamed 
at him to let go and rest. He went limp the second his head 
touched the small airline pillow, groaning softly as his aching 
body sank into the blankets.

Sawyer ran his thumb tenderly across Jack’s cheekbone. “You 
need anythin’?”

Jack fumbled to grab Sawyer’s other arm. “You.”

Sawyer smiled and eased onto the bedding beside Jack. “You got 
me, baby.”

Jack sighed as Sawyer’s arms curled around him protectively. He 
pressed his forehead against Sawyer’s shoulder and let Sawyer’s 
gentle touches and soft murmuring voice soothe him.

“Why does Freckles think I’d hurt you,” Sawyer asked once 
Jack’s breathing had settled.

“You never told her what they did to me,” Jack mumbled. “I was 
so dazed at first...she thought I was fragile. She thought she 
had to protect me.”

Sawyer frowned. “From me?”

“Mmm...she was afraid you’d take advantage of me.”

Sawyer chuckled. 

“She wasn’t wrong.”

“Hey, I never did anythin’ you didn’t beg me to do.”

Jack leaned his head back again and smiled wearily. “I know.”

Sawyer smiled back and kissed him, just brushing their lips 
together gently. “Get some rest,” he murmured.

Jack stared at him silently for several long moments. “I had a 
miscarriage,” he finally said softly. It wasn’t really a 
question – more like a statement of fact.

The smile slipped from Sawyer’s face. “Yeah,” he said, his 
voice rough. 

Jack nodded, his eyes slipping away from Sawyer’s face.

“Blondie said you weren’t pregnant though,” Sawyer added 
quickly. 

“Not yet,” Jack murmured. “I could’ve been. If we’d waited. We 
could’ve gotten off the island...”

“And then what? You’d’a been stuck in that body forever. And if 
Jules is right, you still would’ve died ‘fore you coulda had 
the baby.”

“I know. But what if she was wrong?”

Sawyer frowned. “You were so hell bent on gettin’ that 
injection, Dr. Jekyl. Don’t tell me you’re havin’ second 
thoughts now.”

Jack sighed. “No. I’m not.” He pressed closer to Sawyer again, 
tucking his head beneath the man’s chin. The truth was that he 
was a spinal surgeon. He had assisted in a birth or two during 
his internship, but the only miracles he was ever part of 
anymore involved people being able to move their arms and legs. 
Part of him wondered what it could have been like to actually 
*create* life instead of simply fixing damaged people. 

“Get some rest,” Sawyer repeated, massaging the back of Jack’s 
neck with gentle fingers.

Jack hummed, giving into the exhaustion. He felt Sawyer’s lips 
press against his temple as he finally drifted to sleep.

******************

Jack sighed with pleasure as he eased his body into the pool 
beside the waterfall. The water felt blessedly cool on his skin 
after the particularly cruel heat of the day. He reached for 
the bar of soap he’d grabbed from the supply shelf and wondered 
again as he washed up – idly – who the Dharma Initiative was, 
exactly, and why they felt a need to stamp their logo on all of 
their bars of soap.

“You need help with that?”

Jack startled, nearly dropping the soap into the water. Sawyer 
chuckled and Jack looked up to find him already half-undressed 
beside the pool. “Were you following me?”

Sawyer shrugged. “Just makin’ sure you don’t pass out in the 
middle of the jungle or anythin’.”

“I’m not an invalid, Sawyer,” Jack grumbled.

“Y’almost died a week ago. Scuse me if I don’t want ya to go 
fallin’ an’ breakin’ your neck.”

Jack’s train of thought scattered as Sawyer stepped out of his 
jeans and dove – gloriously naked – into the water. He surfaced 
in front of Jack, sweeping his sodden hair back with both 
hands. Jack’s eyes followed the movement, hypnotized. He 
swallowed heavily. 

Sawyer smirked and reached for the bar of soap, easily prying 
it from Jack’s loose grip. “Turn around,” he murmured. 

Jack hesitated. “Why?”

Sawyer shrugged and worked the soap into a lather between his 
palms. “Fine. Don’t really matter.” He ran his hands over 
Jack’s chest, pretending not to notice as Jack’s breathing 
caught.

“Sawyer, I...”

“Shh...” Sawyer brushed his lips against Jack’s chin. “Just 
relax. I ain’t gonna bite.”

It took a moment for Jack to recall the last time Sawyer had 
said those words. “It’s not the biting I’m worried about.”

Sawyer chuckled softly and kissed a trail down the side of 
Jack’s neck. 

“This is insane,” Jack murmured.

Sawyer frowned and slipped his hands under Jack’s arms, tracing 
random patterns across his back with soapy fingers. “Whaddya 
mean?”

“This...us.”

Sawyer snorted. “We’re on an island with polar bears and some 
sorta smoke monster and you think it’s strange ‘t a bisexual 
guy is attracted to ya.” He shook his head. “Baby, you got 
funny ideas ‘bout what’s normal.”

“I’m serious. Two weeks ago I would’ve said you hated me. And 
then Ben tried that...serum on me and you changed. I thought 
maybe it was just because I was a woman, but now...” His breath 
caught as Sawyer’s hand slipped beneath the water and wrapped 
around his cock. 

Sawyer smirked. “Yeah? Now?”

Jack’s hands came up to grip Sawyer’s shoulders, steadying 
himself. He moaned softly as Sawyer’s fingers teased over the 
sensitive head.

"That's it," Sawyer murmured, his voice low, warm breath 
brushing Jack's neck. 

Jack pressed his forehead to Sawyer's shoulder and panted as 
Sawyer's hand continued its steady movements. His hips twitched 
in slow, instinctive thrusts. It was a few minutes before he 
thought to reach for Sawyer, a groan slipping from his lips as 
he felt just how aroused the Southerner was too.

Sawyer bat his hand away and pulled him closer with one arm 
hooked around his lower back, bringing their hips flush. His 
other hand wedged into the tight space between them to wrap 
around both of their cocks at once, hissing at the increased 
friction.

Jack growled and reached up to tangle his fingers in Sawyer's 
hair, pulling him into a bruising kiss, his hips thrusting 
mindlessly as the pleasure quickly overwhelmed him.

It didn't take long for Jack to come with a wild cry, his 
fingers digging bruises into Sawyer's backside. Sawyer followed 
close behind, his teeth sinking into Jack's shoulder to muffle 
his groan.

Sawyer gentled his strokes and caught Jack as his body started 
to slump, wrapping him in a loose embrace. Jack leaned against 
him, trusting him to keep them both from slipping beneath the 
water as he recovered, and smiled as Sawyer turned to kiss him 
- just a sweet, simple brush of lips against his. 

"You okay," Sawyer asked, his voice a low whisper even though 
they were alone. 

Jack hummed absently.

Sawyer chuckled softly. "Should get you outta the water and 
dried."

"I wasn't finished," Jack protested halfheartedly.

"Well, I dropped your soap and I ain't sure I can find it no 
more. 'Sides...I was thinkin' 'bout takin' you back to my tent 
and gettin' you all sweaty again, so it don't really matter."

Jack shuddered at the dark, filthy promise he could hear in 
Sawyer's voice. "You're gonna kill me," he said.

Sawyer nudged Jack's head upright so he could look into his 
eyes. Jack caught a brief flash of worry before his expression 
settled back into its former, cocky smile. "What d'ya say, 
Doc?"

"We're not teenagers, Sawyer. We can't have marathon sex all 
day." He would have added that he had responsibilities toward 
the rest of their group, but he had already tried that. Sawyer 
had scoffed that he deserved as much time as he needed to 
himself after what he had been through and everybody else could 
"put on their own damn band-aids".

Sawyer just continued to smile, his fingers tracing lazy 
patterns on Jack's lower back. "You know, the thing about 
marathons is that it ain't about bein' the fastest runner," he 
murmured. "It's about outlastin' everyone else. Slow and steady 
wins the race."

Jack swallowed a whimper as Sawyer's low drawl made a shiver of 
pure desire slither through him. His cock twitched lazily with 
renewed interest.

"What d'ya say, Doc? Wanna see if we can last this time?"

Fuck it. Another day in bed wouldn't hurt. "Yes."


THE END